There was a time not so long ago I had told myself I could not quiet my monkey mind for more than a few seconds and therefore could not possibly meditate. Believing that to be my truth, what do you suppose happened? Of course, I couldn’t quiet my monkey mind and would end up frustrated and resenting the thought of meditation and my failure as a human in not being able to do this thing that would be so calming for my restless nature.
And I really needed calming.
At that time all I could envision was Julia Robert’s character “Liz” in the “Eat Pray Love” movie where she arrives at the Ashram in India in her search for divine bliss, the “turiya state”. There’s a great detailed description of this on page 196 of the book written by NYT best-selling author Elizabeth Gilbert where she describes how you can tell if you’re in the turiya state - “if you’re in a state of constant bliss…not affected by the swinging moods of the mind, nor fearful of time or harmed by loss”.
I wondered if anything even remotely close to this would ever be attainable for me.
I felt Liz as she sat cross-legged on the hard cold floor of the Ashram enduring the India heat, the half-dark silence of the room, and slowly flicking the flies buzzing at her cheeks hoping nobody would notice after taking her vow of silence.
I felt her struggle to quiet her wandering mind and her questioning of why it was so difficult for her. Although I was intrigued at the thought of traveling to exotic distant places in search of enlightenment, I could only think “oh there’s no way in hell I could quiet my monkey mind while sitting silently and quietly for hours on end”. I couldn’t even think of doing that for five full minutes. Who was I kidding?
Since then, I’ve learned a few things and I’ve changed my perspective. I’ve learned a few tricks to soothing my monkey mind at the times I need it most. I’ve learned how to quiet it a bit when I wish for stillness or to meditate more deeply and for a longer period of time.
This blog is simply about quieting the mind to enhance the meditation practice for those that also are stuck, like I was, in the thought of “I can’t do this”.
“Monkey Mind” is a term first conceived by Buddha. It describes those human times when our brains have scattered thoughts bringing feelings of anxiety, restlessness, impatience, worry and mental fatigue. It’s difficult to focus on the present moment making meditation practices challenging. We are often bouncing from one thought to the next, one task to another, without a pause in between. We may ruminate on past or future events, usually with unease. These bombarding and often insignificant thoughts keep us from experiencing the present moment which the various and numerous forms of meditation are designed to do.
I think that today’s modern world of constant expectation of connection to email, smart phones, social media, streaming, work expectations, AI and the like make the monkey mind phenomena even more challenging than in the past. For many of us it’s become very difficult to shut off the brain even for a few moments.
At the risk of dating myself, I remember the time before cell phones when I was able to take my blue banana seat bike for a ride to Sinko’s Country Store for a glass bottle of Coke and a Hershey bar or simply experience my parents’ “go out and play” instruction without these distractions. There wasn’t the anxiety of constant connection back then. I still had monkey mind I’m sure, but it wasn’t to the degree of the busy-ness we face today.
In my struggles to quiet my modern-day monkey mind (aka inner critic) so I can allow myself some meditative relief and live more in the present moment, I have listed five techniques below that have helped me become present more easily and quickly. And you can use these techniques anytime, not just for meditation.
- Stop judging and resenting your monkey mind. It’s a human characteristic in which thoughts are formed from the left-brain, survival, reptilian part of us. These thoughts and beliefs were created in childhood to keep us safe. The thoughts will never completely stop but can be soothed. Remember, they’ve been forming as long as you have been alive. You can, however, quiet them temporarily and begin building the right-brain-present-moment awareness muscle to be a bit stronger with practice. The more you build the right brain muscle the better you’ll soothe your left-brain thoughts leading to more times of peace and calm.
- Shift your perspective about your monkey mind. As you settle into your quiet mediation, instead of feeling the resentment when trying to calm your thoughts, simply acknowledge and redirect them. Befriend them if you will. Name them. “Here you go again Restless Rita. Thank you. I hear you and I’m releasing you for now”. Then go back to focusing on your present moment.
- Shift your perspective about meditative activities. Meditation has many life-changing health benefits and is something to be embraced not resisted. Practicing can lead to positive changes in the physical structure of the left-brain regions associated with emotions of lack. It makes a lot of sense to strengthen your creative right-brain muscle.
- Meditation can be easier than you may think! Try different types of meditative activity. It doesn’t have to last for hours sitting cross-legged on the floor and can be broken down into very small chunks throughout your day. You can meditate standing, sitting, or lying down with eyes open or closed. What if you were to simply spend two minutes every two hours allowing yourself to come into present moment? How about creating two minutes of calm before a meeting or Zoom call? You could carve out time for that, couldn’t you?
- Engage your senses when your mind wanders. I admit that I struggle when focusing on my breath. My restless mind seems to wander more quickly. What I tried recently though was a pleasant surprise. If I instead focus for only two minutes on active touch, sight, or hearing it seems to work better for me to drop into present moment quickly to calm my monkey mind.
- Touch: Focus on rubbing your thumb and forefinger together to the point you can feel the ridges in your fingers and the edge of your fingernails. Are your fingers warm or cold, soft, or rough? When your mind wanders, gently bring it back without judgement to the touch of your fingers. Try this both with eyes open and eyes closed to see which way feels better and results in more present moment awareness for you.
- Sight: Pick an object to focus your gaze on. Look intently and notice the texture, shape, colors, and other details. When the monkey sneaks in, gently bring yourself back to the object you are focusing on.
- Hearing: Close your eyes. Listen to a faraway sound intently. If your mind wanders, gently redirect it back to the sound. Then listen to a sound that is the closest to you. This could be your breath or the whir of your computer or a bird outside your window. Enjoy the moment and connection with what you hear.
I invite you to my video demonstration including more details of the how’s and where’s of trying out these 3 techniques that may help you in my 8.5 min video below.
I recently read a quote attributed to Steve Jobs: “If you sit and observe, you will see how restless your mind is. If you try to calm it, it only makes it worse, but over time it does calm, and when it does, there’s room to hear more subtle things – that’s when your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see things more clearly and be in the present more. Your mind just slows down, you see a tremendous expanse in the moment. You see so much more than you could see before. It’s a discipline; you have to practice it.”
I know meditation is so good for me and strive to make it an almost daily practice even if it’s just for a few minutes between activities and often not in what we think of as the traditional way to meditate. It’s taken me some time to develop and hone this habit into practice, but I will say it’s easier for me now as I’ve strengthened these muscles.
I may never get to the point of meditating for hours on end cross-legged in an Ashram like Liz, but I’m grateful with the progress I’ve made. My monkey mind will never be silent, but she is getting much less intense and allows me quieter reflective moments much more often.
I’ve found in this quietness my “aha” moments happen, and I’ve amassed a much greater sense of peace and calm allowing me to serve myself and others in a much more conscious and empowering way. I now look forward to my daily relaxing meditation practices.
Journaling Reflections:
- Do you struggle with the swirling thoughts of the monkey mind and feel frustration when you can’t shut your mind off?
- Have you ever noticed that your swirling thoughts might be about insignificant things? If so, do they warrant the focus and attention you are giving them?
- What 2-minute activity might you try today to bring you into the present moment?
Oh yes the monkey mind
What now works for me now is using Insight time for just 7 minutes after I have drawn a card and then I journal on wht arises as i talk to god and my guides and listen
Thank you